A Lesson in Character

 It’s always a good day when my 13 year old son runs down from his room to see me after work. These days are kinda like spotting a blessing of unicorns (yep… a group is a blessing) eating four leaf clovers, so I drop everything and listen intently to all that he wants to share.

Like today.  He said, “I actually had a really cool social studies class.”  

“Oh yeah,” I responded, “Tell me.”

He proceeded to tell me about some guy (back in the 1800s I think) who was a full on abolitionist. Apparently this guy was a total radical and incited riots and engaged in all kinds of aggressive, illegal behavior to make his point that slavery was wrong.  I’m not sure what he did (I will google it later because I love learning new things and I’ll have to get the actual name of this guy since that wasn’t a memorable part of the story for my son.). In any case, this guy was eventually jailed and executed by the government for his illegal behaviors, and the question posed to the class was:  Is this man a criminal or a hero?  Let’s discuss.   

Personally I think that’s a very good lesson. It makes you think about a lot of different interpretations of justice, and how people with such strong feelings about injustice should handle them.  I told my son that most passionate people who are willing to defy the law generally don’t live to see any changes they have helped make.  The acceptable way to change laws is through the proper legal channels, and that could take longer than waiting on hold with Verizon (before you get disconnected three times in three different countries,) and some people just can’t wait that long living in a world that is so wrong to them.  In his letter from Birmingham jail, Martin Luther King wrote “One has not only a legal but a moral responsibility to obey just laws. Conversely, one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws." And way before that, Thomas Jefferson penned, “If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey it, he is obligated to do so.”  Honestly, there is only so much you can do and years will pass before any changes are even considered, and some people just can’t live with that.  Are they heroes or criminals?   Great social studies topic.  How many people died opposing slavery while slaves labored, were tortured, and murdered? How many animals were killed for body parts before species became endangered and poaching was prohibited?  How long do you wait to act?

Personally, I think it’s imperative to address very incendiary topics. They are subjective, so people tend to either stay away from them, follow the masses, or flip flop their responses based on how they personally view the issue at hand.  Of course the slave owner wants to go the long legal route, and the abolitionists want a revolution.  I told my son that these decisions to act actually happen all the time, although mostly on a much smaller scale, and generally I think it’s a person's education and character that dictate the response.  And wouldn’t you know it, I had an example from that day in the dental office where I work.  

Months earlier, an elderly woman came into the office looking to get dental work done on her fixed budget insurance that had to be finished by the end of the year.  It was November, so time was an issue, and the woman had a bad attitude (for whatever reason) so that was another issue. In fact, this woman’s children had taken her to so many dentists with bad results due to her nastiness that they just stopped taking her.  This woman (we’ll just call her “Ruth” for the sake of the story) was currently on her Z list of people willing to take her to appointments:  Like people who lived in her apt building, and people in therapy programs trying to redeem themselves by performing random acts of kindness, and homeless people looking for a warm waiting room…

In any case, Ruth ended up in our waiting room with her bad attitude trying to negotiate her dental work.  I know that everyone has a story, and I am a curious person, and I like to solve problems.  I was on it.  It took 3 hours (and my boss threatening to fire me if I didn’t seal the deal or get her out) but an exam happened, a treatment plan was made, and impressions were taken.  Ruth was getting dentures.  And the third cousin of the husband of one of Ruth’s kids who had been roped into taking her to this appointment was crying as she thanked us a billion times.

So here’s the thing about dentures, it’s not a 1,2,3 process.  There are 5 steps and the dentures have to go to a lab several times and we have limited control on when each step comes back from the lab.  Sometimes it’s a week, sometimes it’s a two or three, but if you want something done properly, you do it right, and that’s just the way it goes. Of course we explained this to Ruth in the beginning, and at every subsequent appointment, but people can’t remember everything, especially when they are 90.  So just like everyone else, Ruth would finish a step, and we would tell her we would call her when her case came back from the lab to schedule the next step.  And just like all the outraged people in history who had to act immediately for their cause, Ruth proceeded to call the office several times a day demanding to know where her dentures were.  The conversations would usually start out vehemently, and digress into personal details and nostalgia from many years ago.  Ruth was obviously lonely and her nastiness kept everyone at bay.  Sometimes we would explain about the lab a few times, assure her we would get back to her and hang up.  Sometimes we would just put her on mute until she petered out.  I don’t even know all the tactics my coworkers used, but she called sometimes five times a day, every day, so I know everyone spoke to her.  And when her case came back, we called her immediately and she came in for the next step, and the phone calls would continue, until one day they didn’t.

Honestly, at first I don’t think anyone noticed she wasn’t harassing us.  Maybe we all figured we individually got lucky and missed the call.  But then her case came back, and we called her.  No answer.  We left messages every day.  No response.   Maybe she was out of town visiting her kids?  It was the holidays.  The deadline for her insurance was looming.  We started calling several times a day.  We asked another patient who is her neighbor if he had seen her.  He said no.  Week two started with no response to our numerous phone calls.  We were worried. What should we do?  Well, as Thomas Jefferson once said, “Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you.”  It’s all about character.

It was Gabby, my coworker of immense character, who called 311 and 911 and the police ended up doing a wellness check on Ruth.  Apparently they had been called to her apartment on more than one occasion due to various complaints, but they were able to ascertain that Ruth had gotten sick and was convalescing in another facility.  Omg!  We were all so relieved. The visions we all had of Ruth laying helplessly on her kitchen floor instantly vanished!  And pain in the ass as she is, Ruth is on the mend and will be gracing our presence with her impatient nastiness once again.

You may be wondering what annoying Ruth has to do with fighting for injustice, but to me, it isn’t about Ruth.  It’s about Gabby.  No, she didn’t break any laws to protest something, but she acted.  She did something she believed was the right thing to do, regardless of there being any benefit to her. We were all worried at the office, but only one person picked up the phone and made the call. It’s character.  Something that should be easier to come by. Thank you Gabby.

I told my son, its important to really think about the “hot button” issues in society.  Weigh out your responses. Educate yourself.   Do what’s right in the best way possible.  Be the change you want to see in the world.  You don’t have to start a revolution, but you have every right to support your feelings.  I asked him, “How many kids in the class raised their hand when the teacher asked if the abolitionist was a hero?”   He said, “Just me.”