I heard this saying a long time ago, "You don't get the child you want, you get the child you get." I always thought that was so profound. Seriously, it made me take a step back and reevaluate my expectations as a mom. This child is not me. This child is not my husband. This child is herself, a unique set of genes which created a unique little person. I realized from this simple quote, that I was trying to push my multi faceted child into my box, and no matter how much I pushed, she was never going to fit. Everyone's box is custom made, and she has her own. I swear, this realization totally changed my life.
And now, as I am navigating a different situation, this saying comes back to me. Slightly altered, but just as poignant, "You get the situation you get, not the situation you want. If you do not adapt yourself to the situation that actually exists, you will always be disappointed." It's so true it gives me chills. And the reality as I see it seems to be that too many people are incapable of understanding this concept. For example, the world we live in has become technology based. My nephew had a seminar on using the iPhone in kindergarten. Now he is in 3rd grade so no doubt his kindergarten info is obsolete, but the fact is, our children's world is far different than ours was, and no matter how tightly you close your eyes, it is what is is. Adapt or be sad.
Honestly, this is not news. Every generation is shocked and offended by the behavior and ideas of the following generation. There was "New Math," now there is "Common Core," but whatever it's name and process is, parents can't do it. They didn't learn it that way. Records became 8- tracks which became CDs which became mp3s which became raindrops in an invisible cloud that is hopefully storing all of our stuff. In some cases, you can resist the technological/generational advances. Keep your record player, keep your 8-track player, hell, keep a phonograph if that's what you want, but remember, you can't begrudge your kids or grandkids for listening to their virtual music, because that is their world and that is their way. Don't be offended that your children have no concept of cover art, it is what it is, and this is their time.
I think one of the biggest problems people have with the-times-they-are-a-changing, is that the previous generations interpret the actions of the modern generation as rude and lazy. In adapting to the newest generational status quo, many actions are not done out of rudeness or laziness, they are just the way an action has changed. For example, a long time ago, people made exquisite calligraphy written, wax sealed invitations to a party that were sent out on horseback. That gave way to handwritten cards delivered personally, which gave way to preprinted cards from a card store that were mailed, and now we have evite, the online, postage free, font chosen, clip art laden invitation which gets to the recipient in 10 seconds (depending on your internet connection and your updated contact list.). This is not rude or lazy for this generation, it's merely how you invite people to something, plain and simple. So if you are offended at getting an evite to your grandson's birthday party, get over it. This is the way it is now, and just be thankful that you figured out how to get to the website, and that "Groovy" means you will be attending. If you choose to be offended, that is solely on you.
I bring this up because I am advocating for my children, and also in a large part, for myself. It has come to my attention recently that we have not been following the plan of other people's expectations, and although not unreasonable, not really feasible in the world of today, which by the way, is the only world my kids have ever known, at least the last 10 and 6 years of it. I can tell my kids to write Thank You notes. After all, that is what my parents taught me, but sending out emails is the way my children's generation communicates, so to them, an email is just as personal as a physical card. Remember, their entire music catalogue is in a virtual cloud that they have never seen. And I think, even more personal, is a text. With a text, people are actually holding their device. An email, well, could be (gasp!) typed on a keyboard, which I expect will soon go the way of the wooly mammoth and the phonograph.
The bottom line is this, whenever you grew up, your childhood, your child rearing years, helping your kids select colleges... Those times are gone. No matter how much you enjoyed or hated them, they are memories, nostalgia, slices of your personal pie, the past. As much as ideas in the past were drilled into your head by your parents, society, and whoever else effected you, those ideas have changed. Some of them are even gone. You basically have two choices: you can evolve by learning the ways of the present, which in many cases means spending more time communicating through technology, or you can cling fiercely to the tenents you learned many years ago and often become unhappy with the way situations are handled, and disappointed with people for being who they are rather than who you expect them to be. My advice is always to move forward, and by that I don't mean buying the latest technology and gadgets on the market. I mean really move forward with your understanding and acceptance of the current world around you. Don't be offended by the way things are done in the present day. Don't compare your standards of years ago to today and judge the latter inferior. If you do this, I promise you will never be satisfied. Of course some things never change: kids will always be whining about something, half the country will always think the government sucks, everything will always be better on sale... But in the end, it is up to you. You can sit home and wait for your phone to ring, or check your texts and emails and lol.
