Enraged? Yeah but more than that... Furious? More. Incensed? More.... I got it, I AM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF! Nailed it!
I honestly think elementary school is worse now than it was when I was a student. Way worse, and I am not talking about for current students, I am talking about FOR ME!
You see, I have this bright, beautiful daughter. She taught herself to read when she was 3. She used sign language as an infant to participate in the action, and her use of language has always been exceptional. I was like, "Cool. No worries in the school department." And it was all good. Passed the gifted test, Student or Citizen of the Month K-3, won the science fair two years in a row. All good. Never big on homework though. Never wanted to do it, lots of bribery, and then in fourth grade, when she was 8, she just froze. Couldn't do it. Sat for hours just staring into space. Then got so defensive about homework that she would argue for an hour rather than write one sentence. Then lost her self esteem. Believed she couldn't do it and is stupid. And that's where we are now.
I went through every route I could think of: therapy, medication ( for depression and ADD,). Learning centers, tutoring, punishment, positive reinforcement... Everything. Then my mother-in-law went to a seminar on neurofeedback, so of course I checked it out. The Dr. scanned her brain. She sat in an electrode covered cap for hours plugged into the computer looking like a revamped Devo video, and then, we had it. When the results of the brain functioning scan came back, the Dr. looked her straight in the eyes and told her, "You are going to do great things in your life!" Her brain was not only exceptional, it was working too hard on a certain wavelength. She was constantly overloaded and couldn't find a way to get the information she needed from her unorganized jam packed file cabinet of a brain. It was too much for her, so she froze.
So, I have to do something. Before she flunks fourth grade, I have to help her find that information. Organize her thoughts, stop yelling and cursing and be sympathetic and try as hard as I can to understand something I have never known. What do I do? While she is currently undergoing a battery of psychological tests, I can file paperwork that can help her out in school a little bit. It's called a 504 plan and it exists to make allowances for people who need a little help. Like she can sit in front, have more time to copy the homework, be reminders of which books to take home, get a little extra test time. Not the moon on a silver platter, not Sir Paul McCartney's email address, just a little extra help for a nine year old girl struggling to stay afloat in educational waters that are murky for her. So my husband asks about it in the school office. The vice principal gives him the wrong form. He goes back in. The vice principal doesn't have the other form. By the way, this is the vice principal who told me to tell my 4 year old kindergartener not to do all of his homework if I thought it was too much. WTF? Of course 6 pages of homework including book summaries and letters written 220 times is too much, but I am no kinda telling a kid with at least 12 years of school ahead of him that he doesn't have to do his homework!!! Stupid doesn't begin to describe this woman. Unqualified merely scratches the surface.
Anyway, I have the form downloaded, so whatever, until I go pick up my kids from school, and the other vice principal stops me and coldly tells me she gave my daughter the right form. "That's cool," I tell her, "Thanks. I downloaded it anyway." Now I get the icy evil queen in Snow White glare, "Well, there are a lot of forms, are you sure you have the right one?" As if I am as stupid as her coworker. I take it from my purse, "Here is the one I printed. Does it look right?" She sneers and looks it over, "Yes but mine has the top filled out." Ok, you win Ice Queen. You wrote my daughters name and the school address on yours...AND you highlighted the section for the doctor to fill out (which is so ambiguously titled "Medical Professional fills out this part"). I ask what happens after the form goes in. She tells me it will be reviewed by a committee and accepted or not. "You will find out then if she gets extra test time," cackles Broomhildas evil twin. "Actually, ". I reply, "it's not really about test time. My daughter has executive functioning issues and she needs other things like extra time to copy home work and a reminder of which books to bring home. Maybe I could come in and help her." "You will NOT BE COMING IN!" She rages. "Someone from the school will do that." "Great, " is my reply, "I was just trying to help so it doesn't burden her teacher. Gotta go." And I leave Malificent to take kids to the bus...or maybe to a house in the woods made of candy.
I am not furious yet. I am confused. Why are these people so against me wanting to help my child? Don't they want to help her? Ummm,.... Isn't it kinda their FUCKING job? You work at Toys r Us, you can hate kids all you want. In fact, I'm sure 99% of TRU employees would be happy to never see a snotty faced slimey handed kid ever again ( of course there is always the 1% retired grandparent who's grand kids live out of state and can't wait to sell some whiny brat the latest video system, if only they knew how to work that newfangled computerized cash register...). But when you work at an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, or any school for that matter, helping kids is kinda on your agenda. Right? I mean run for congress if you want to be an obstacle in people's lives. So, I go get my kids, and I want to talk to my daughters teacher. I want to set up a meeting so I can tell her that she is a great teacher and the 504 has nothing to do with her teaching. She is awesome. She should know. We agree to meet. All good.... Oh, but it's not.
Don't ask me how I know, but the Evil Stepmother with the poison apple who steals all the puppies won't let the teacher talk to me. There will be no meeting. No chance for me to explain to this great teacher how much I appreciate her, and ask her if she has any ideas for the 504 that may help my daughter. NOW I SEE FIRE! I see Another Brick in the Wall Part 2.. Worse than indifference, I see interference! And again I ask myself "WHY?" Why don't they want to help my child? I am not asking them to love her. I don't even give a shit if they like her, just help her. It is your FUCKING job. It may not even work. You, Evil Ursula from the deep, what will you gain by denying my child? Will you feel powerful? Will you feel invincible wielding your shield of unwarranted position over a 49 pound girl who keeps forgetting her folder?
I am miles away, maybe light years from being the perfect parent. I yell, I scream, I swear, and sometimes I turn into a demon from hell trying to raise my children. Hell, it's like taming a wild animal sometimes and I was nowhere in line to replace Sigfried or Roy, or whichever one became a tiger chew toy. In fact, I probably have more in common with the chew toy than the tamer. But I love my children and will try anything to help them. They are kind and smart and funny.... And I know I am their mom so of course I see them in a special light. That is my place. That is my job. And you, Wicked Witch with all your evil henchmen and flying monkeys, you are running a public school. Helping my children is your job too.
