Back to School... With What????

Ahhhh!  Back to school again.  Parents’ annual time for reflection.  Reflecting on our children’s lives, growth, and education, as well as our own unbelievable aging process.  The time of year when the phrases, “How can I have a senior?  I’m too young to have a senior!” and “Wasn’t he just in kindergarten?” get thrown around like a beach ball at a Van Halen concert.

For me, the kids going back to school is a mixed bag.  On one hand, they get to see their friends again, and get back into the routine of learning more advanced stuff.  Plus my daily chore routine kicks back into gear (No more baby carrots and hummus for dinner!  Mom went shopping!)  On the other hand, we all have to get up hours earlier, and the fighting resumes about getting up, getting dressed, homework, gaming time, bedtime, etc. 

Personally, I like hanging out with my kids in the summer.  Ok, not every second (“She touched my leg!  He bit me!  I’m borrrrrred!”)  But for the most part, we have fun taking our time and doing spontaneous fun things.  I know many kids go to camp for the summer, but it is still a refreshing break from homework and math tests.

Some kids, like mine, get a big packet at the end of the year.  This packet contains a welcome letter from their next teacher, a school supply list, and yes…SUMMER HOMEWORK!  Every year since kindergarten, my kids have had summer homework, sometimes worse than others.  Generally, it’s a 10-20 page packet of math and English, with a possible side of something else.  This summer, for example, my first to second grader had a 20 page packet of math and English, and three book reports consisting of 6 components, including a summary, an illustrated cover, and an alternate ending.  Needless to say, he knocked out the packet about 3 weeks into summer break, and the book reports… well, let’s just say there was a lot of door slamming and pillow throwing.  I know that not all school kids get summer homework.  I never did.  I mean it’s called “Summer Break,” as in “a break from school,” homework should NOT be included.  I was tempted to write a letter to the teacher stating that my child did not complete the summer homework because we were camping, going to museums, visiting other cities, and doing interesting things.  I thought better of it, though.  The reality is that in life, you have to do a lot of things you don’t want to do and may think are dumb.  Buck up kid.  You have a few reports due, negative feelings or not.

Aside from the homework, the most interesting information in the summer homework packet for me is the school supply list.  I went to public school, as do my children, and the first time I saw my eldest child’s school supply list, I was incredulous.  There are items on that list that I NEVER had to bring for school.  I know times have changed, but paper towels?  Back in the day, each classroom had a huge bolt of that brown butcher paper which was generally used in the bathroom for hand drying.  It wasn’t actually absorbent, but somehow we managed to get the paint off our hands, and sort of, kind of, dry them.  Glue removal was a problem, but isn’t it always?  What makes today’s kid’s hands so much better than mine?  My mom used the same paper towel for a week.  Wring and reuse, right?  And if not, you can get 18 rolls for $10 at the bulk store.  Can’t the Department of Ed get a good deal on 2 million rolls?  The IRS spent 4 million dollars on office furniture this year alone.  Surely they can shop at Ikea to fund hand cleaning for our country’s schoolchildren.   The first day of school looks like a pilgrimage to see the Brawny Man, or his fifth cousin three times removed, the Generic Brawny Man, in most cases.   And generic paper towels are about as effective as the brown butcher paper, except while the butcher paper just floats on top of the water, the generic paper towels sink and break apart like the Titanic.  In both cases, the water spill is larger after the attempted clean up, and an entire roll of generic Brawny will be used for one beaker spill. 

Then there is the copy paper.  Even if you are trying to delude yourself into thinking your paper towels will be used for your kid, there is no way around the copy paper.  Sometimes the teacher calls for one ream.  Other times it’s two reams.  I once had to supply a teacher with FOUR reams of copy paper!  If a teacher needs 120 reams of copy paper, she is giving way to much homework.  Not to mention that copy paper should not be a school supply.  It should be school supplied.  Although I have to admit it is kinda funny to watch the kids flip over like turtles and get stuck trying to carry 20 lbs of copy paper in their backpacks on the first school day.  As long as no one gets hurt, of course.  Honestly, it’s just a matter of time until homework will be all online, and copy paper will go the way of the 8-track.  Can’t the Pentagon recycle plastic bottles for the Dept. of Ed til then?

In any case, after I finished packing up my children’s school supplies, I wrote a poem about them.  Hope you like it.  I had to write it with eyeliner on an envelope, since I packed up all the paper and pencils:

My School Supply Poem

(Inspired by Joyce Kilmer and Dr. Suess)

I think that I shall never see

Such a list that bothers me.

Five packs of pencils, 1 box tissues

Five dollars for Scholastic News.

I hunt for Post-Its row by row

And wonder where my taxes go.

Copy paper? Not to be mean

But should I send a fax machine?

When I was young, (and maybe you,)

I brought some markers, crayons and glue.

Baby wipes brought in by kids???

My parents would have flipped their lids!

So much stuff our teachers lack,

My son can’t lift his own backpack!

And while big business teems with greed,

Our schools remain in dire need!

So how will education cope?

I guess by parents buying soap.

Have a great school year!