So, I realize I started this blog like last year or something and haven't added anything new, so today, as I was watching my 4 year old do his 9 pages of homework and first book summary at the dining room table while by 9 year old read the cereal box, it occurred to me that I should be more current. I write so much stuff on facebook, I don't really do the blog thing. So, I have decided to make a concerted effort to blog first, facebook later. We will see how that goes. Plus I have no following, so I guess this is just a trial thing.
At the moment, my schedule is busy. Of the every-single-day activities, 2 are for me. That's ok though. At first I have to admit I was not happy about leaving the music business to be a full time mom, but now (with the right meds, my fave being klonipin!) I am digging it! It is not everyone who gets to watch their kids grow up. Watch their eyes light up kicking the heavy bag in karate for the first time (and second time, and third time..., and singing along with Cheap Trick and Paramore in the car at the top of their lungs. I realize I am still me, and my kids are finally able to understand that. My Dad used to carry a checkered flag in his car so he could wave it out the window when people flew by him. I am carrying on the tradition, and my flag gets way more use in Brooklyn than Chicago. In the beginning I explained it to my children, and as they watched me in action once, my 9 year old said, "Mom, do you know you are crazy?" To which I replied, "Yeah, and it's ok. Makes life interesting don't you think? Plus it saves me from saying a lot of bad words your father doesn't want me to say around you. I say it's win-win, don't you?" "I guess so," she replied smugly, "but you're still crazy." I can live with that. I want them to know who I am in addition to the mom nagging about homework and yelling at her to clean her room.
I also found out something new about myself. I enrolled her in an after school math enrichment program (a fancy term for saying she sucks in math and is going to flunk the state tests without tutoring and my 20 year old babysitter, google, and I have no idea how to do this new fucking math,) and when I met with the director while wearing my sweatpants and studded jacket, I actually had a lot of important things to say. I have goals for her, and I am really trying to help her achieve them.. I want her to feel confident and good about herself. I want her to feel smart and capable. I have her in therapy and dance, and I think the dance is working better. I tried ADD medicines (which didn't work,) and plan on trying some OT to ease her fear of writing. I honestly think she doesn't really know how to hold the pencil properly. I remember my kindergarten teacher (Mrs. Gruel, a name which sounds like she eats children inside a rather than candy house rather than teaches them,) spending entire classes showing us how to hold a pencil properly and apply the right pressure. And she went from table to table correcting and helping us individually. Now, they just say, "Here is an F. Trace it and write 220 of them." No lie. My kindergartner has to write 220 letters along with 6 other worksheets at least 3 times a week! And the director of the fancy we-will-enrich-your-child-and-make-them-a-genius really was impressed with what I had to say, spiked jacked, sweatpants, tattoos, and all.
In any case, I am finally embracing this motherhood thing. My husband is doing phenomenal in the music business, and I am truly not jealous. I am not doing so bad in the Mom business.
Anyway, I have to get dressed for another getting-manis and pedis-birthday party. And I am excited because my nails actually look like crap. This mom thing, it's harder than scheduling Metallica songs to play in sync with the 4th of July fireworks display, but I'm digging it!
xx
Marielle
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